I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
