You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize