does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
