I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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