Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
