News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
