ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
