I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
