She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
