I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
