last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
