I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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