yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
