there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think a kid would responsible me up
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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