Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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