i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
