Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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