I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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