i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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