Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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