I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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