Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
