yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
