I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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