My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
