I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
