Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
