went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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