Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
