I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
