I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
