I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
