my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
