Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
