She's JV to your varsity
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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