JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
