I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize