Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That's intense
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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