just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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