we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
