So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
