time to smoke my breakfast
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
