Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
