dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize