New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
