Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
