this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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