Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
