My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And then my night got REAL pukey
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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