Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
