Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
