We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
