he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize