We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
