Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
