In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
