Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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