fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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