apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
