At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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