he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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