don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm at about main and main street
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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