with your own penis?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
