giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
