Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
