It's like God shit irony all over that family
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
