I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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