pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
