On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
