sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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