I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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