i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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