Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
