You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
