those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
